I never felt sad when I think about life without him

Sometimes,I think about the life I will have if we separate and it gives me this amazing feeling. I never felt sad when I think about life without him. I do feel this guilt and fear of course but never sadness. Death of a beloved flattens and dulls everything. Mountains and skyscrapers and grand ideas are brought down to eye level or below. Great loves and large hates no longer cast such huge shadows or span so broad a distance.

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